


Residual Emotion

by olivemartini



Category: Stitchers, Stitchers (TV)
Genre: Anger, F/M, Fluff, Insecurity, Romance, camsten, residual emotion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 05:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4293135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirsten is having to deal with all kinds of residual emotions, but Cameron is always there to walk her through it.  This is each emotion in turn and how they effect Kirsten, as well as her exchanges with Cameron. It's better than the summary, I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Residual Emotion

Residual emotion is a bitch.  Take it from someone who knows.

Kirsten considers herself an expert on the subject, since has to deal with it after every stitch.  It's infuriating, because what no one understands is that they're actually _her_ emotions.  Fear?  It's as irrational and heart stopping as ever, but after a stitch, she sometimes discovers something knew to be afraid of that had never bothered her before, like spiders or thunder.  And anger?  After stitching into someone who's particularly angry and frustrated. she finds her temper rising easily, but it's still over things that anger _her._ Feeling these things isn't the problem.

It's enjoyable, even, especially compared to the emotionless void she was before.  The only difficulty was that she was entirely unequipped to handle these new feelings.

Which is where Cameron comes in. 

 

 

**Anger**

 

"Will you just _shut up!_ "  The words burst from Kirsten before she could think about them, but really, who could blame her?  Camille and Linus were just so loud, arguing over the same damn thing they always do.  For the past month they've been hooking up, then pretending that there's nothing between them.  "Get together, don't, no one cares!"  The two stared at her open mouthed, like they hadn't been screaming at each other seconds before.

"Okay."  Cameron left his spot on the couch, where he had been sprawled out. Why is it that whenever Kirsten is in _his_ apartment she has to deal with his OCD tendencies, but when roles are reversed, he has no problem making himself at home?  She was about to point this out, but Cameron grabbed her arm and dragged her outside onto the front porch.  "What's the deal sunshine?"

"What was that for?"  She jerked away from him and crossed her arms.  He had no right to drag her out there, especially so roughly.  Kirsten almost slapped him... but it was _Cameron._

"You've been snapping at everyone for the past week."  The way he was talking to her reminded Kirsten of what Ed said about the dog that had been chained in the yard beside hers if it got loose.  _Don't fight it, but don't run either.  Just stand your ground, and try it calm it down.  It'll warm up to you eventually._ Cameron looked an awful lot like he was following those directions.  "Even me.  And not your usual sarcasm either, but mean.  What's gotten into you?"

She didn't say anything.  There was an overwhelming sense of guilt that swallowed up the swell of anger rising inside her.  What had gotten into her?  She'd always found Camille and Linus' predicament amusing, not infuriating.  And she would never intentionally be _mean_ to Cameron (unless he deserved, but she was pretty sure he hadn't).  "I don't know.  Everything's just made me so upset lately."

"It's that stitch, wasn't it?  The guy with the anger issues."  Cameron ran his hand over his face, sighing loudly.  "How many times have I told you to tell me if anything feels off?"

"It's not always that easy to tell!"  She yelled.  "Sometimes it's not obvious.  It's not like I've never been annoyed at anyone before."

"Well.  I'll work out a system to help you deal with them.  But until then, let's get ice cream." 

He set off down the sidewalk, and Kirsten stared after him, dumbfounded.  She didn't think she heard him right.  "Ice cream?"

"Yeah.  Ice cream."  He held out a hand for her, helping her down the steps.  "Even you can't be mad while eating that."

 

 

Sad

 

"Cameron?"  Kirsten's voice was so small and vulnerable that she almost didn't recognize it as hers.  "Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, of course.  What's wrong?"  He was beside her in an instant, almost having to hold her upright.  "Kirsten.  What's the matter?"

"You have to fix it.  the residual thing."  Other emotions she could deal with, but this was different.  This was a fog throughout her brain, a numb sensation spreading through out her.  Her limbs felt heavy, and all she wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  She was just so upset at the moment.  "I don't like this one."

Then, much to her embarrassment, she burst into tears.

His arms were around her in an instant, pulling her close to him.  She was soaking his shirt, but Kirsten couldn't bring herself to care.  "It's okay.  Come on cupcake, smile a little.  It's fine.  Just residual emotion."  He pulled back from her, wiping the tears from her cheeks.  Out of the corner of her eye, Kirsten caught sight of a shocked Linus.  "How about you come back to my house?  You can, I don't know, watch tv, sleep, hopefully stop crying?  And I'll be there in case it gets worse."

Being with Cameron sounded like a good idea.  A few hours later, she was pressed into his side, the two of them alternating between watching Doctor Who and Supernatural.  She would burst into tears randomly, but Cameron would only kiss the top of her forehead and rub her back until she calmed herself down.  "It's just residual emotion.  That's all."

"You really don't get the residual emotion thing, do you?"  Kirsten looked over at him with watery eyes, stunned that someone so smart could miss something so obvious.  "They're my emotions, Cameron.  The stitching just makes them come out more."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..."  She struggled to find words.  "I mean that I get sad.  But when I stitch into someone who is so unhappy, like Aubrey was, then I suddenly can't ignore it.  Or I get upset over something small, like the commercial with the abused puppies."  And then she was crying again, her brief moment of clarity lost in another tsunami wave of tears. 

 

**Grief**

 

Camille had let Kirsten try things her way until three in the morning before she got worried.  Kirsten had been practically punching the keys on her laptop as she tried to hack into different law enforcement systems (Camille had made her stop short of the FBI) and kept staring at the photos from the crime scene.  She was on her fifth cup of copy in eight hours, and seemed intent on working straight into the morning.  There was a new, scary intensity in the way that she was searching for the source of Ed's death.  Camille had no idea what to do, so she called Cameron.

"Cameron."  Kirsten heard her say, hissing into the phone. "Something's wrong with her, she's just... she's scaring me."

Fifteen minutes later, there was yet another distraction in her peripheral vision.  "Kirsten.  What are you doing?"

"Solving Ed's murder. Which I should have done months ago."  She pounded angrily on the computer.  "Damn it!" 

"Can't this wait until tomorrow?"  Cameron tried to tug the computer away, but Kirsten only held on tighter. 

"No.  It can't.  I've... I just have to do this.  I owe it to him." 

"Kirsten, please.  You're scaring us."  Kirsten looked away from him to Camille and Linus, who were standing in the doorway.  Linus had his arm around her, like they were drawing comfort from each other. 

"You don't understand."

"Then explain."  Cameron grabbed her hand, stopping her from turning back to her work.

"He was all I had.  My only friend.  My only family."  Kirsten was speaking through gritted teeth, shocked when her vision blurred with tears.  She hadn't cried over Ed's death at all.  "He'd done so much for me, and I owed it to him to figure out his death, but I can't, and I'm failing him all over again... just please let me do this."

"No."

"He's all I had!"  Kirsten was screaming now, an erupting volcano of rage and raw pain.  They were picking at a still fresh wound.  "He's all I had, and now he's dead!  Is this the sort of thing you wanted me to explain to you, Cameron?  I'm.  All.  Alone."  Then she stood, chest heaving, as her three best friends stared at her.

"You're not alone."  Camille spoke from the doorway.  "You've got us."

"We're trying to make her feel better Camille, not worse."  Linus said, smiling happily when Kirsten let out a small chuckle.

"Can I get back to work now?"  Despite all the coffee she had drank, Kirsten was utterly exhausted after her outburst. 

"Of course."  She heard the others leave the room, but Cameron stayed.

"You want help?  Two heads work better than one and all that?" 

Kirsten didn't think she could say no to that even if she wanted to.

 

 

**Fear**

 

"There's no one here."  Cameron seemed frustrated even as he looked at her.  For the past half hour, he had been checking every place a monster or pyscho could hide, all because Kirsten had been afraid.  He was going to kill Linus for having her watch Saw.  "You can go back to sleep."  He picked up his keys, fully intending to leave.

Kirsten didn't know what made her do it.  "Cameron?  Can you stay?"

She expected him to laugh, but if anything, his expression just became more understanding.  "You're really scared, aren't you?"

"Monsters under the bed were the only thing I was afraid of when I was little."   It was an embarrassing thing to admit, but Kirsten didn't care.  tonight, she was past the point of embarrassment.  "Guess it's come back for a little while."

"It's okay princess."  He rubbed his hand over her arm, something that was strangely comforting, and gave a weak smile. "I'll take the couch."

"I meant like, stay with me.  In the bed."  Kirsten was wrong.  She wasn't past the point of embarrassment. 

"What?" 

It was Cameron's only protest before Kirsten was leading him back to her room and sliding under the covers.  There was a pause where it seemed like he was deciding, and then he was climbing in beside her.  She rolled over to face him.  "Thank you."

"This is weird."

"you're being a good friend."

"Just friends don't sleep with each other like this." 

"Then for tonight, we'll be more than friends."  She scooted back so she was almost against him, and then pulled his arm around her.  "Relax, Cameron.  It'll be fine."

And it was fine.  It was nice, having his arm around her, feeling his chest pressed into her back.  It was nice to have his face buried in her neck, and their legs tangled together.  When Kirsten woke up the next morning, it was to find Cameron curled around her protectively, a smile on his face.

 

 

**Love**

 

Kirsten was pretty sure that Camille had sent a warning text ahead of her.  Her suspicions were confirmed when Cameron warily let her into apartment.  "Residual emotion again?"

He was in his glasses.  God, did Kirsten love his glasses.

"According to Camille.  She said I've been throwing up warning flags all afternoon."  Kirsten shrugged, unbothered by it. What was so wrong with saying that she liked it when Cameron called her princess and cupcake?  (Porkchop, not so much.)

"Warnings like what?"  Cameron was definitely freaked out by her today.

"It's not important."  Kirsten waved her hand dismissively.  "I came here to tell you something."

"What?" 

"I like you."  She saw his face split into a smile, one beautiful, happy, hopeful smile.  "Like, a lot.  I can't stop thinking about you, even when I want to."

His face seemed to droop after a second.  Cameron practically deflated.  Did he not like her?  Is that not what he wanted to hear?  Camille had been telling her for ages that Cameron liked her back.  "This is just residual emotion.  It's not what you're really feeling."

"It is, I swear!"  She was desperately trying to make him understand.  When he turned away from her, she took two steps closer and turned him towards her.  "Why won't you believe me?"

"This isn't you talking."  Cameron looked so sad when he said it.

Then she kissed him.  Kirsten didn't want to talk about residual emotion anymore, or how she didn't know what she was feeling.  She was using her wild card, putting everything on a hail mary, trying to make him understand through the kiss.  "Kirsten."  He pulled away from her, keeping her at arms length.  The kiss hadn't made him understand, if anything, it had only made him sadder.  "Kirsten stop."

"Why don't you like me back?"

He shook his head.  "It's not that I don't like you back, I promise.  But this isn't you.  I can't just forget about that.  No matter how much I liked the kiss."  He looked like he was forcing himself to speak.  "You should go."

Cameron held the door open for her, making it clear that she had no choice but to leave him, feeling worse than she ever had before.  What would it take to me him understand?

**Author's Note:**

> Do you guys think I should do a chapter two where they talk about the kiss? Let me know in the comments if you think that's a good idea.


End file.
